Cliffs Await: Be brave, jump now.

I wrote this post in the summer while on a bus somewhere in Asia. I was mentally responding to a somewhat whiny Facebook status update from someone I’ve not seen or spoken to in “real” life for years. I have had the privilege of teaching a lot of Career and Life Management, or CALM 20, a lot of Health 9. I am an English teacher, a reader, and a film buff, and have lived countless other lives in literature and film. I have also in both my careers as a hairdresser and as a teacher, spent countless hours in conversation with people who are/ were in various stages of figuring out life (as we all are). I have jumped off my fair share of cliffs, at least in some aspects of my life, and so feel somewhat qualified to hand out life advice to those who may have inadvertently or have directly asked for it. Below is a solid rant composed on the afore-mentioned bus, and while I did not end up sending it to the person for whom it was intended, I will share it here as a message sent out generally to the universe. May those who want to or need to hear it find it.

I’m a bossy older sister at the best of times, and I’ve made careers out of my advice giving. It’s not based on nothing, I read like a maniac, everything, all the time. I learn from people smarter than me as often as possible. I hope to be a library burning to the ground when I die. So you don’t have to keep reading, I’ll never know, but I see you are struggling, and maybe this is helpful. (If not – stop reading now.)

The best advice I’ve gotten in the last 10 years is: What do I want to get out of this? At first glance, it sounds selfish and self-centred, but turn it around in your mind for a second; it’s not just a means to selfish ends. It depends on what you are filling in the blanks there with, your “I want… Because…”. Time is the most precious commodity. If you are not enjoying life (and if there is no trade off with why you aren’t enjoying it, ex being broke so you can be learning something that will eventually give you the quality of life you want, or being single so you can figure out your life dreams and plan the path to them without needing to prioritize others who need you more), change it.

Tired of being the nice guy? Be a dick, and see what’s different. Tired of the same circle? Join a new club, go to a different grocery store, move to a new country alone, make a new home. No one is going to give you the plan, and it’s not attractive to be a slave to your routine with no sense of “why I am doing this”. You probably already know what you care about. I see you leading – you can show they are valued because you’ve been there. Stop deciding, and jump in. Mistake or not, you’ll learn from whatever your choices are. Is failure worse than paralysis? Decide which trade-offs you are willing to make. And know that you don’t have to explain them – if you are figuring out your why, it may not make sense to others or be what they expect. It doesn’t make you wrong.

It’s not about waiting around for the perfect person, or for your life’s mission to drop in your lap. Some of the most dangerous misconceptions from our experiences are the most ingrained, and it’s only recently that I’ve even realized how damaging some of these ideas are. You can wait your whole life long, and wait it away thinking something you aren’t actually working for is coming. Spend time on your character, but don’t wait to be finished. Define integrity for yourself – doing the right things for your right reasons. And if you forget what those are, you’ll know it’s time to revisit your direction again. But at least you’ll already be moving forward. Don’t make yourself smaller than you are, and don’t apologize for the space you are taking up. This is a process! Work on what you want your body to be able to do. Try a new adventure, big or small, and see how it goes.

If no one comes along – when do you compromise? Can you live your whole life long and be happy alone? If not, where is the trade off, what is the tipping point? What do you want to get out of this blink of a eye you have here? Here’s the best part: You decide. I know a thing or two about jumping off cliffs, and I’d recommend it every time.