Home-Based Business

Sales parties have always been part of my culture. I have many friends who run home-based businesses, and I myself have given it a shot on two separate occasions, with two different product lines. I’ve seen my mom do the same, and been to countless parties as a shopper over the years. I’ve generally had the same experience at all of them, with very few exceptions. I’m invited, I go, and what appears to be a social gathering ends with me spending money on a thing that I end up generally not needing or using. I often feel somewhat remorseful afterwards, and have, in only one instance, actually used and continued buying those same products. To me, multi-level marketing home-based sales businesses (MLMs) are yet another way that we are all filling up our houses with things that we probably don’t need. We are sacrificing genuine meaningful connection for imagined future success.

“I know people who put food in their kid’s mouths with home-based business… I’ve also heard, [or even?] felt part of these kind of “circle-jerks” of sales; you know, one friend will have a party, so this group of friends attends, and then each of them go on to have their own parties too, which of course the others must all attend so the group will come to their party too.” – a friend who wishes to remain nameless

A disclaimer here, to add clarity and hopefully prevent unintentional offence: I am fully supportive of people trying to make a go of their own small business. I try to shop locally, I treat sales and service staff with great respect (I have been one of them), and I want to see friends succeed in their hard work and risk-taking entrepreneurial ventures. I do not wish to disrespect the hard work and necessity that may have influenced starting a home-based sales business – that spirit of ingenuity is to be celebrated. My issue is the  deceptive ‘party’ format of female-focused home-based sales; selling masquerading as a social event, a means of getting others to drink some company Kool-Aid.

In September a few years ago, a close friend made a 7.5-hour drive across the province so that she could deliver a (insert home-based business name of choice) party in my city. Another good friend was hosting. I bought a face scrub that felt like it burned my skin off when we tested it, never picked it up, and hoped the host would use it herself instead, since she had more comfortable results with it. I left forty-five dollars lighter, and felt like I hadn’t really gotten to visit with anyone in a meaningful way; all the talk had been focused on the products.

This was the first, and only home-based sales party that I attended that fall. I was genuinely unavailable for the next two events to which I was invited, but then decided to try a sort of social experiment. I declined each and every multi-level marketing sales session for the rest of the year – no more sales masquerading as socializing for me, I was done.  That was not the only one that I was invited to though – between the start of September and the end of December, I was invited to thirteen additional parties. THIRTEEN. I declined them all.

The fallout of this decision was this: When I declined each of those social invitations, they were never replaced. So when I started saying no to going to sales pitches dressed as parties, I cut off my social connections with a fair swath of people. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hang out – in fact, that was all I wanted to do. I didn’t want to go to their house, or a friend’s house, and try to shop. I say try here because, 1) I do feel obligated to buy things even if the host has been relaxed about selling, and, 2) because I pretty much only buy the same products I’ve found and liked and used before. I’ve learned that the products I buy from MLMs are going to end up buried under the sink in the bathroom or forgotten deep in a kitchen cupboard.

I used to love the social part of these things. I remember going to these events with my mom when I was a kid, and feeling like it was a very grownup tea party or some other fabulous and exclusive gathering. As I’ve gotten older, I see the way that these parties have begun to replace gathering for purely social purposes. Attending a home-based sales party is a prohibitively expensive way for me to socialize. I’d rather spend $40+ on an experience – a concert, a dinner out, a show, a spiced rum tasting, a ski lesson. I’m happy too, to drink cups of coffee we made ourselves on a living room couch.

I appreciate the fact that this is, for some individuals, their work, their business. It is, as a friend said, the work that “puts food in their kids’ mouths”. That is no small thing, and is obviously significant.  I understand supporting friends in this way – it’s available and accessible. But, sales masquerading as socializing creates obligation. Fabricating obligation may not be the intention of the host, but it is the design and intention of the companies that market this way: people at the parties are supposed to feel like they have to buy something.

This is an integral piece of the gathering. The purpose, the excuse. A reason to get together, so women feel less guilty spending time on themselves.

Free items or prizes, deep discounts, or other incentives await women who are willing to host their own party next. The consultant may even have other consultant friends who team up to do double parties, or trading parties, or whatever else to create multiple loops of successive parties, or “circle jerk”.

Financial empowerment is seductive. Eat, sleep, and breath beauty products, small luxuries, or kitchenware fo us, and you too can travel, drive a company car, or sign on for a bigger mortgage to make room for your growing business. How much are you willing to trade on your friendships to achieve That Lifestyle? How far will you go for success, and what are you willing to sacrifice?

I need my female friendships. I like gathering with people I enjoy but might not see often with life’s busy-ness. I like having different circles of friends with different interests, contexts, and activities. I do not like getting together to shop for things I won’t use and shouldn’t buy anyway. I really don’t like having my weekend social functions be sales pitches. And I REALLY don’t like the fact that if I skip these ‘parties’, I may not have much of a social life left.

I don’t want to sit through the propositioning. My time and attention are worthy of more than just chit chat and small talk as I hand over my credit card in exchange for a bag of stuff I don’t need and probably won’t use.

What I need from my friends rarely has anything to do with stuff or products. I need great conversations that help me figure life out and see it in new ways, from new angles. I need time with people who want to do activities that are fun and diverse. I need people I can learn from and lean on. I see the danger in reducing my connections to business transactions.

And so – I’m continuing to opt out. I am trying to buy less, to take up less space, and create less waste as a human on an already heavily taxed planet. I will choose instead to create connections and do activities that are meaningful and build my relationships. I’m rejecting the idea that buying stuff can replace this effort. I’m calling this habit out, ladies! I love and value my friendships far too much to trade on them. We don’t need excuses to hang out, and we can reject the marketing ploys that make us believe that we do. Friendships are not sales demographics. We do NOT need “permission” to socialize.